i’ll trade the trouble and the strife…

the silver seas – the country life

her momma thinks i’m made out of money
her daddy thinks we need more time
sister’s got her own opinion
calling her on the other line

i ain’t tryin’ to say they’re crazy
i don’t want to say they’re wrong
i ain’t tryin’ to complicate it
i just want to sing my song

so long, to the city life
so long, to the neon sign
i’m gone, i’ll trade the trouble and the strife
for the country life

if i could get in touch with my cousin
maybe we could go away for awhile
if we ever wanna come back
girl, you know we gonna be back in style

27 hours later
we go buy a couple bottles of wine
we don’t need the conversation
cause tonight we goin’ back in time

so long, to the city life
so long, to the neon sign
i’m gone, i’ll trade the trouble and the strife
so long, to the city life
so long, to the neon sign
i’m gone, i’ll trade the trouble and the strife
for the country life

for the country life (for the country life)

i love these guys! they used to be known as the bees, but because they shared the name with a british band, they recently switched to the silver seas. whatever they are known as, their music just makes me feel good and makes me want to jump up and dance! for anyone who knows me, that is a huge accomplishment in itself! another one of their songs “imaginary girl” has been all over tv on different commercials, so i am just trying to do my part in spreading the word on this great band.

i can’t wait to get out of l.a. soon enough

far away, away, away

ingrid michaelson – far away

“i will live my life as a lobsterman’s wife on an island in the blue bay.
he will take care of me, he will smell like the sea,
and close to my heart he’ll always stay.

i will bear three girls all with strawberry curls, little Ella and Nelly and Faye.
while i’m combing their hair, i will catch his warm stare
on our island in the blue bay.

far away far away, i want to go far away.
to a new life on a new shore line.
where the water is blue and the people are new.
to another island, in another life.

there’s a boy next to me and he never will be anything but a boy at the bar.
and i think he’s the tops, he’s where everything stops.
how i love to love him from afar.
when he walks right pass me then i finally see on this bar stool i can’t stay.
so i’m taking my frown to a far distant town
on an island in the blue bay.

far away far away, i want to go far away.
to a new life on a new shore line.
where the water is blue and the people are new.
to another island, in another life.

i want to go far away.
away away, i want to go far away, away, away
i want to go far away, far away.

where the water is blue and the people are new.
to another life, to another life.
to another shore line
in another life.”

good night

it was a good night.  no complaints. i should have said a proper goodbye, but i am just not good at that yet. supposed to see him this weekend   it was a good night. almost perfect

maybe i’m falling for you

landon pigg – falling in love in a coffee shop

“i think that possibly, maybe i’m falling for you
yes theres a chance that i’ve fallen quite hard over you.
i’ve seen the paths that your eyes wander down
i want to come to

i think that possibly, maybe i’m falling for you

no one understands me quite like you do
through all of the shadowy corners of me

i never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
i love so much
all of the while i never knew
i never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
i love so much
all of the while i never knew

i think that possibly, maybe i’m falling for you

yes theres a chance that i’ve fallen quite hard over you.
i’ve seen the waters that make your eyes shine
now i’m shining too

because oh because
i’ve fallen quite hard over you

if i didn’t know you, i’d rather not know
if i couldn’t have you, i’d rather be alone

i never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
i love so much
all of the while i never knew
i never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
i love so much
all of the while, i never knew

all of the while , all of the while”

i really like him. i thought it would die down when i didn’t see him as often anymore, but i think it has only gotten stronger. i’m just comfortable around him, and i was from the second i met him. i think it is different this time. i just worry that he thinks i am too young for him, but maybe i can change his mind. i just want him to know everything about me and i want to know everything about him. i feel safe. and i want this to continue and get stronger and grow and never stop. here is to hoping i guess. and finally making a move for it!

going to a town

been listening to rufus a lot lately getting myself pumped for his show in sept.  i cant wait.  it will be a nice relief once classes start up again.

i really don’t know what i am going to do with my life.  i feel like i am both getting pushed closer and closer to the “normal” life but still seeing myself moving further and further from it as the years go on and i am still so socially awkward.  yay self confidence and LA really helping me out in getting over the issues.  i know deep down that that is the reason i really don’t like LA, because i constantly feel like i have to compete with the anorexic, self tanning, boozing it up, dumb ass girls that rule the market here.  and i don’t like changing myself just to survive.  i love being home where i feel like i am around people who don’t constantly care whether you are wearing seven jeans, or ones from target as long as they look good, they are good enough for your friends and everyone else looking at you.  i think personality can take you a lot farther there.  here it always seems to come second, if not dead last.

but i do seem to have found a good core at last and that is what i really needed.  people to relate to that i dont have to censor myself around.  i hate that.  moving to this new apt seems to be helping me in finding the good things about this city…but i still need some more convincing that people actually like living here and aren’t holding on to the idea of living here and what it means when they tell people they reside in LA and can see the Hollywood sign from their apt window.  those arent the important things and i know that now.  i need my girls back home, my cats, my sox and people who seem like the generally want to know YOU underneath it all.  plus i need a little more rock and roll in my life, not this shitty hip hop and club music that plagues the stations out here.  ugh.  but i do get to see some sweet art shows.

and i think i have a crush.  we’ll see how it plays out.  but i love his eyes, they just seem so kind.  i haven’t seen kind eyes in a while and it is quite refreshing. i think i seem to young for him though, which is a new one for me.  i always feel too old for my crowd.  i just want him to ask me to lunch once, or say “bye” to me at the end of the day. i should probably take the initiative though and say good night sometime.  hopefully before my last day.  i dont want to stay like this forever, i really don’t.

and see how she skips, the moon how she drifts…

rufus wainwright – complainte de la butte

The moon, all too fair, in your russet-red hair sets a sparkling crown
The moon, all too red with glory, is spread on your poor, tattered gown
The moon, all too white, caresses the light in your world-weary eyes
Princess of the street, do allow me to greet you, my broken heart cries
The steps of Montmartre, all uphill, are hardest on the poor
The sails of the mill, like wings, shelter all paramours
I feel, beggar-girl, your fetters, they curl as they seek out my wrists
I feel your young breasts, your thin little waist
I lose my regrets
I taste on your mouth the feverish breath of a half-starving waif
And with your caress I sense drunkenness erasing my life
The steps of Montmartre, all uphill, are hardest on the poor
The sails of the mill, like wings, shelter all paramours
And see how she skips, the moon how she drifts,
The princess in tow
Da da da da da da da da da da
My reveries grow
The steps of Montmartre, all uphill, are hardest on the poor
The sails of the mill, like wings, shelter all paramours

oh rufus, you make my heart weep every time i hear this song…

why haven’t i found love? why can’t i open my heart? why can’t i just let go and let someone, anyone in? they always say its never to late to love, but its starting to feel like time if running out. but i dont want to settle, i don’t think it would be worth it in the end to settle. i don’t need it to be magical, i just need it to be real, sitting next to me and not in my head or in my movies or in my songs anymore…i want to learn how to truly love, and see what all the fuss is about might post the song later when i have more time…

pretty in pink…or rather red.

i want a red coat after watching love actually. i have outgrown my old peacoats and i think it is time to invest in a nice winter coat that is pretty and makes me happy. how much more perfect can you get than a 3/4 length red coat? not much more!

so now i am watching pretty in pink, and next it will be sixteen candles. why do i do this to myself? watch all the movies that just make me want him more? i keep thinking that if i am just myself he will come to me and it will all work out. but how can that happen if i am not completely sure who i am yet? i know parts of me that i like and love to be, but there are other parts i still struggle with and some parts that i know i need to change for me to be happier. i just don’t know if i can wait any longer for that moment, that connection, siting on your dining room table with the guy you have been dreaming about who has just brought you a birthday cake after everyone else forgot. i just feel like if i wait any longer it is going to be to long. and i don’t ever want it to be too long.

right now there are two guys that could fill that void..one form home who has seemed to pop up and come back into my life when i least expect it, and another who i think just keeps me occupied while i am out here. i could have had that moment with mr. homeslice, if i had taken that initiative and not been so shy and awkward, it could have happened long ago, and i know i have only myself to blame for it not happening. while the other guy out here in sunny california just seems like i won’t happen, and if it does it wont be for another year or so. not until i get comfortable with myself at least.

but maybe this christmas will be different and me taking the initiative will start something up? or maybe it will finally and it and i can get a good friend out of it, which i wouldn’t mind either. i need more friends like him. to bring me back down when i get lost out here.

anyways , here is to taking the initiative and getting what you want and making early new years resolutions and actually doing something about them…i don’t ever want it to be too long, so i am gonna start at maybe slowing time down for a bit and lets see what happens!

-ps i think i am going to get some snowflakes or a quote as my first tat over break. all in preparation for the big daddy that will hopefully happen before the big 2-1 this march!