instant

i want you back

There has been too much death lately. Why do bad things always seem to come in 3’s? When Ed and Farrah left us it was almost expect, we had had time to process a world without them on our screens. Michael though, he came as a surprise. For me he was the only one of the three who was a real icon in my eyes. Someone i had grown up with and admired. Seen at the height of his game. I knew of Farrah and the Angels. I recognized McMahons voice from old shows, but Michael was even a holiday ritual in my household. Every Halloween my family would flip on the TV and watch the full length “Thriller” mini-movie, just like we always watched “It’s a Wonderful Life” every Christmas. I had to cover my eyes whenever the one guy cam on screen and spit up blood and it still creeps me out today.

He may have led a troubled life and he may have done unspeakable things to other children, but today I will mourn the loss a musical genius and someone who brought such joy to me in my childhood and continues to lift my spirits when I am down and remind me to keep knocking down barriers to make this world a better place for all.

I hope you have finally found peace in your life Michael. I wish only the best for your family and I hope you and Farrah and Ed are having a great party tonight and dancing to P.Y.T. wherever you are now.

Here is a video of one of my favorite MJ songs.

more about “Dailymotion – The Way You Make Me Fee…“, posted with vodpod

and some Jackson 5 with a guest appearance by Mr. Cosby:

after hours

this night is winding down but
time means nothing,
as always at this hour
time means nothing,
one final final round cos
time means nothing,
say that you’ll stay
say that you’ll stay
say that you’ll stay.

we’re all right where we’re supposed to be,
we’re all right where we’re supposed to be,
we’re all right where we’re supposed to be,
(time means nothing)
we’re all right where we’re supposed to be,
(time means nothing)

we are scientists – after hours

sun’s coming up. i haven’t been able to go to sleep before 3 lately. it is very unlike me. usually i am passed out by 11. been watching a lot of movies late at night in my bed trying to fall asleep to the sounds. it works sometimes but usually it is just a way to pass the time. i think i need to get out of my head. i don’t know where i would go though. it helps to listen to music. i’m not the best at expressing myself and i think music is my way of processing things and feeling things and addressing things like it is for so many people. i envy musicians and writers. people who can put it out there for everyone, i envy that. i miss him. i don’t think he really misses me that much, it’s not like he has tried to get in touch with me. and why should he, nothing really ever happened, and when somethign could have i think i ruined any chance of it happening again. maybe it’s just not the right time, maybe it never will be. i’d like to find out either way. i feel lost though. not just with that situation but with everything. i guess that is what every recent graduate feels like, but i almost feel like i don’t belong. like i never will. where do i go? what do i do when i get there? it doesn’t have ot be for life. i don’t need to find a place to settle on. i just need a place for now, for this stage. i just don’t have the energy. i push it down and i let it simmer and i get overwhelmed and push it all down more. am i okay with being cat lady? i don’t know. i am comfortable with being cat lady, but i’m not sure i am okay with it. the rain storm was comforting tonight. i like hearing rain fall on windows when. watching it fall and the wind blow and the skies light up. tucked under covers and drinking hot tea. i like that. i like being enveloped. cuddled. protected. maybe once i get into a new groove things will settle down and the dust will clear and i’ll know where to go next. i like my premonissions, they comfort me. make me feel like i have made the right choices. they may actually be warnings that i am doing things horribly wrong, but i’ll stick with the thought that it’s the universes way of telling me to just keep chugging along, it will all work itself out eventually. it’s just been a lot lately. school. work. no work. money. cats. car. graduating. not graduating. moving. reunion. new faces. old faces. not enough of the same faces. i feel so unprepared, yet i have done so much to get here. i think i gave up half way through though. i feel like i gave up a long time ago. that scares me. can i ever get it back? do i want it back? i think i am ready for the next stage and to see what it brings me and what i can maybe bring myself. for now i will miss the green of nh. i need someplace where i can see the seasons change and life moving on and time going by. i can’t get that from the ocean. it just seems to endless. i don’t want endless, i want definite. things die, but then they get reborn. they change and grow. i don’t want to be stuck in a never ending sea. even if it is the perfect sea, it can’t stay perfect forever and i want something, somewhere, someone that will grow and change with me and be my new perfect. i don’t want to be stuck anymore. i don’t want to be lost. i don’t want to be forgotten. back to some music…

just to save me

so, how much difference could it possibly make?
how much effort could it possibly take to save me
to save me, to save me, just to save me?
save me from sailing over the edge

m. ward – ‘to save me’

Almost done with the semester. It has really flown by. It should be my last semester but it looks like that isn’t going to happen after all. Lately I just feel like everything is spinning out of control. When that happens I would much rather hide inside and hope that it all just stops spinning on its own instead of going out and trying to make it stop on my own. I feel so helpless sometimes, eventhough I have control over everything. I feel like there is so much for me to do I just can’t complete it all so where do I start? What do I do first? How do I even begin? So it all just piles and piles and gets worse and worse. And I know what I need to do I just can’t bring myself to do it. Why is that? Why can’t I just DO IT! One day I will figure things out and I will wonder what took me so long. But for now I am going to go out and try to make the spinning and craziness stop. Here I go…

Stressed Out!

It is midterm time in school right now and spring break can’t come fast enough!  Tonight I have to finish a take home exam, do a make up exam since I guess we all did so poorly, put together my presentation for a pin up review tomorrow, do stuff for taxes, budget plan, figure out graduation and enrollment stuff, I should do some laundry but it won’t happen and who knows what else because I am sure I am forgetting something.

I guess sometimes it jsut feels like it all comes down on you at once.  When it rains it pours I guess…

I really need to stop being such a horrible procrastinator, it doesn’t help me at all.  I think the worst thing is that I tend to do better under pressure, so I let it build up to the point where I need to get it done and stress myself out even more.

Speaking of, I should stop writing this post and get to work!

Later taters…

Wordle

I love things like this! They are fun way to procrastinate getting stuff done

Here is a sample of a word cloud it made for this blog:

Enjoy!

Kingsford Goes to the Beach

How cute is he? If I didn’t already have 2 cats, and if I wasn’t planning on moving somewhere unknown 4 months from now, I would run out and get myself a Kingsford ASAP. I would also probably have to stop eating bacon. My one true love in meat form. That could be hard. But Kingsford is just too awesome, so I guess I could switch to turkey bacon

more about "Kingsford Goes to the Beach", posted with vodpod

I’m Twittering!

I’m not so sure how much I actually like twittering, but I figured I would try it out. Especially after finding out one of my favorite actors/comedians was now tweeting, Mr. Showalter himself How could I resist reading about his coffee breaks and naps? Anyway, the updates are in the sidebar, but if you want to follow my happenings, like watching my cats take a nap while I update my blog, feel free! Find me here.

The moon is reaching for me

Once upon a time, on the north shore of Long Island, some 30 miles from New York, there lived a small girl on a large estate…

I recently got a 3 pack of movies from target to add to my classic movie collection. It was a set of Audrey Hepburn movies, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Roman Holiday and Sabrina, the only one I had yet to see. Needless to say, any man that can pull off the name Humphrey while playing a character named Linus, as well as Mr. Bogart did, would win my heart too.

i’ll trade the trouble and the strife…

the silver seas – the country life

her momma thinks i’m made out of money
her daddy thinks we need more time
sister’s got her own opinion
calling her on the other line

i ain’t tryin’ to say they’re crazy
i don’t want to say they’re wrong
i ain’t tryin’ to complicate it
i just want to sing my song

so long, to the city life
so long, to the neon sign
i’m gone, i’ll trade the trouble and the strife
for the country life

if i could get in touch with my cousin
maybe we could go away for awhile
if we ever wanna come back
girl, you know we gonna be back in style

27 hours later
we go buy a couple bottles of wine
we don’t need the conversation
cause tonight we goin’ back in time

so long, to the city life
so long, to the neon sign
i’m gone, i’ll trade the trouble and the strife
so long, to the city life
so long, to the neon sign
i’m gone, i’ll trade the trouble and the strife
for the country life

for the country life (for the country life)

i love these guys! they used to be known as the bees, but because they shared the name with a british band, they recently switched to the silver seas. whatever they are known as, their music just makes me feel good and makes me want to jump up and dance! for anyone who knows me, that is a huge accomplishment in itself! another one of their songs “imaginary girl” has been all over tv on different commercials, so i am just trying to do my part in spreading the word on this great band.

i can’t wait to get out of l.a. soon enough